Doggy daycare ejection as a metaphor

What Stola almost getting tossed out taught me

Hello, friends.

I hope this finds you well!

I come to you from a place of profound relief. My dear, sweet Stola was nearly ejected from doggy daycare.

We clinched her a spot at a coveted facility after several months on a waiting list. She got her spot, started one day per week, and immediately her overall behavior improved. Doggy daycare gave her an outlet for her intense energy. The large dog playgroup met her need for body slamming, chasing, bitey facing.

Stola’s day away also gives Penny some much-needed rest, and the bonus for all of us is that Stola returns home tired. Quite nearly almost practically calm, too.

Then, the sun shone and another spot opened up. “She loves it so much here,” the office manager said, “and we have an opening on Fridays. Would you like to try Stola there, too?”

We jumped! Stola was going two days a week and loving it. Or so we thought.

And maybe she did love it, but her nervous system did not.

The third Friday, my phone rang.

“First of all, there’s no need to worry! Stola is fine!” The manager must start every non-emergency call like that. I appreciated it but also… I knew what would come next. “I wanted to talk to you about Stola. I’m not sure we’ve found the best fit for her at this time.”

She went on to say that one of her two days was filled with adolescents and they were simply too rowdy as a bunch. She implied that Stola was the rabble-rouser.

“And, unfortunately, since she’s Deaf and we have to sign to her, we’ve all noticed that when she sees us trying to get her attention, well, she turns her back on us.”

I wanted to laugh. And also cry.

We all needed Stola to go to doggy daycare.

Those were the only two days a week I could get focused work done for several hours without having to intervene, redirect, exercise, entertain, or stop her (from chewing the couch, from chasing the cats, from bashing her head into the bathroom door to force it to pop open so she could steal another roll of toilet paper, and so on).

“What can we try?” I asked.

“We want to support her as best we can,” she said. “How about we take her back down to once a week and try a different day where the dogs are maybe older.” She gave me two days to consider, though she said she felt the group on Wednesdays was probably the best fit for her personality.

So, off she went on Wednesday.

And, all fingers crossed, it seems to have done the trick.

She hasn’t had any more behavior notes in her file. She hasn’t been sent home early, and my phone hasn’t rung with ominous news. And I’m really hoping it stays that way.

Stola LOVES doggy daycare, and she loves that facility. But, when it wasn’t working, we tested another option that worked.

When something isn’t working in my world, I often just put my head down and push through like a stubborn bull—sort of like Stola with the bathroom door, to be honest—instead of trying something new.

A good friend who works in the schools joked that they simply had to adjust Stola’s IEP to find the right plan for her. An IEP isn’t about changing who the student is; it’s about changing the environment so the student can succeed. If Wednesday works better than Friday, it doesn’t mean Friday was a failure. It just wasn’t the right fit.

It made me think about the writing project I’ve been slogging through for months now. It’s not working, and it hasn’t been working for a while. But I keep pushing because I feel like… I should? I need to? I’ll fail if I don’t?

We didn’t let Stola fail at doggy daycare, so maybe I should take that same approach for myself.

So, I pose this question just in case you might need it today because I know I do: Is there anything in your life—in dog training, work, personal, reading, or whatever—that could use an adjustment? Instead of barreling through, you might need to tweak? How can you update your personal IEP to make life a little less hard and accommodate yourself a little better?

If you’re currently barreling through a situation that feels too rowdy for your nervous system, here is your permission to stop pushing.

Upcoming Events

Local, friends: I have several library events and a conference coming up. The first is this weekend! Hope to see you there!

Until next time, take very good care.

P.S. My latest blog post is a bit of a soap-boxy rant about how people who want the best for animals often forget that animal welfare starts at the human end of the leash. Read that here.

P.P.S. Look for this newsletter next week with all the event dates and book news I couldn’t cram into this one since it got so long. :) Thank you for being here!